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15 august 1995

Monday, February 21, 2011
Sensitive much



I just had this urge to come on this site despite being busy and all.
Competition on Sunday didnt go as well. At least i had the word 'annoyed' written all over my face.
Fenced bad enough for round robin, and some aunty had to make things worse.
I'm not blaming her, i know she meant well, that we might get hurt, but, i was just too pissed to understand the situation at that point of time.
And you know, the kind of feeling when you already feel very bad and weak, and people just have to come forward and ask whats' wrong, comfort you, talk to you and all that, it makes things feel worse, doesnt it?
I mean, the tears probably wouldnt have come down if people just left you alone.
Yeah, they care, but, is it just me being over-sensitive?
It isnt the first time this happened recently.
Maybe these days, the stress is getting to me.
Miss Lim, Miss Ong, friends and everyone else came forward to talk to me.
Face to face, or through messages, i still feel that feeling, i dont know how to describe it.
Got home around 1030 @ night yesterday after dinner with the girls.
Sat on the mrt, like on the floor, took out my book and studied chem.
Ridiculous and pathetic? But i feel that desperate.
Even when i got home, i was so tired, trying hard enough to keep my eyes open, i couldnt. Like seriously.
I slowed my pace while walking home yesterday night.
The roads were pretty much empty, few people walking around, there wasnt anyone rushing and all, and then, the trafficlights all turned red.
That view simply paused in front of me. Like, it was so peaceful and relaxed, no pressure, no nothing.
And then, i wished my life would just be like that.
I wished things would just stop, even for a moment.
Because this whole world feels like its going too fast for me to catchup. Because im exhausted and i dont know how to carry on. Because i cant take it.

And today, had maths, the first lesson.
Common test results was.. blah.
And suddenly, everything came out.
Training today, fenced continuously for an hour plus.
My legs feel so weak, i cant use them properly.
Blisters and everything, this is crazy.
And at times, i think, if i'm putting too much into fencing.
And even if i did, why isnt there anything coming out from it?

I just want thing to slow down a little, i just want a break, i just want to leave this life for a while.

Thankyou Avril, JiaEn, Elizabeth, Wesley, Melissa, Janan, JiaJun, Syafiq, SiQi, Nicholas, Ainslyn, Desiree, XiuJie, Halimah, TzeXin. ♥
♥Updated
@ 8:17 PM